3 Reasons Why Marriage is Still “A Thing” For Us

We were in our early 20s when we decided to tie the knot 9 years ago. We had tons of people giving us the inevitable unsolicited advice. “Keep God in the center of your marriage” , “Keep a great love life” and “Communication is the key to a successful marriage” are just a few statements that I can remember. Fast forward, nine years later, I will acknowledge that these statements were very relevant words of advice but no one, at that time, explained to us the “How”. How do we keep God in the center of our marriage? How do we communicate when I really just want to prove my point and win the argument? What love life??? With children, jobs and ministry work, how do we even find the time or energy for intimacy!?!? Anyway, from these thoughts derived three reasons why I believe my husband and I are still married in addition to God’s amazing grace and daily renewed mercies. 

1. My husband knows that I respect him and I know he loves me.

We’ve argued plenty of times and hitting my dear hubby upside the head then carrying on with my life was enticing. We’ve had moments in our marriage when I would think “This joker can’t be serious???” and worse words would end up coming out of my mouth if I didn’t check my heart. Then one day during a disagreement, my husband said to me, “I know you don’t talk to your boss like this…” Now that right there was something to think about. If I can respect my boss, surely I can respect my own husband. I’m not capable of altering the way he thinks or acts (that’s a job for God) , however, I can change my attitude and how I respond to him.

The bible tells husbands to love their wives and wives to respect their husband (Eph. 5:33). So after heated arguments, when all I want to do was give him a piece of my mind and enter the deadly silent treatment phase, I have to humble myself and apologize. A minister once said, “Never look to win in an argument because either you’ll be a loser or married to one”. We’re not enemies and if I’m upset with him I still have to respect him simply for who he is.  He is my husband, the head of the household, the sole provider, and leader of our family. Reading the bible and obeying it is how you “Keep God in the center of your marriage”.

2. We never stop striving to communicate effectively.

When you’ve been with someone for so long, you go through a plethora of changes; appearance, preferences, and interests. What you liked yesterday might not be what you like tomorrow. How you feel about something today may not be how you feel about it next year. We have to talk to each other sometimes like it’s our first date. We ask each other about goals and where we see ourselves in the next 5 years. We intentionally engage each other even if we’re up until one in the morning. We are quick to apologize but still have those hard conversations to resolve the issue instead of ignoring it. This all goes with the “communication is the key “ advice. That’s pretty simple right???

3. We make finding ways to be intimate with each other a HIGH priority.

Unfortunately, being intimate with each other is already a hard task when you’re always tired, you work a lot, and you have multiple children in the home. We getaway about once a year to a Family Life marriage conference for private intimate time and to also receive spiritual impartation from some of the best Christian marriage counselors around. So what else do we do for the other 363 days of the year???? We get creative and intentional. We plan our private time and until then a loving touch, hug, and kiss here and there when the kids aren’t looking, goes a long way! Women, it could be even better if you initiate the love taps. Initiation reminds your husband that intimacy is a high priority for you, too. 

I’m sure we all can agree that it takes time, sacrifice and an honest effort from both husband and wife to have a strong marriage. And I’m here to tell you, if we can press on through the good and bad, so can you! Join us in striving to beat the odds and make your marriage last forever. 

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Moving Forward Peacefully After This Contentious Presidential Race

I woke up this morning in a very peaceful state. I’m not shocked or upset about the election results. I’m just grateful for the President Obama administration. Under his so called “bad” administration my husband and I found great jobs, were able purchase homes & cars, are comfortably raising our four beautiful children. We feel safe and need for absolutely nothing. I’m so thankful for his leadership and sacrifices he and his family has made to serve our country. With that being said, I look forward to finding positive things to say about our future administration.

President elect Donald Trump will not rain on my parade of joy and gratitude toward the much higher authority of this world, Jehova God. I believe that it’s because of our family’s allegiance to Him that we have been blessed in the past 8 years when allegedly many others have struggled. My hope and faith will remain and only be in my God, before this country and anyone else in authority! So for the folks who are confused about what to tell their children today, tell them that when their faith and hope is in the Lord, they can thrive under any presidency. It’s that simple.

“Losing Johnny: The constant flow of tears have dwindled but my heart never stops crying.”

October 2nd, 2005:

Johnny: “Don’t forget to call and check on me, okay?” 

Me: “Okay, I Love You”.

Johnny: “Love you too…”

October 5th, 2005: The day I lost the greatest gift my parents have ever given to my sister and me, our little brother…Johnny.

The final dialogue I had with my 16 year old brother, who I thought had a bad case of the flu, are words that are tattooed on my brain. Words that haunt me yet simultaneously bring me great joy because I know they were significant and sincere…

It has been 11 years since Johnny has passed but the grief is still ebbing and flowing in my heart. Everyone grieves in their own way but here are 3 personal actions that have helped me experience joy after this tragic loss.

1. Keep reading God’s Word. 

As you read, the Holy Spirit will strengthen your faith and stop you from falling into depression. The strength you need to regain from the massive loss of a loved one is not attainable without God’s help.

2. Try to remember the happy times and share your memories with others (especially your children). 

My children and I look at pictures together and we talk about their Uncle Johnny all the time. Whatever you do, try not to make your lost loved one a forbidden subject. I’ve been around people who don’t even want to mention their name let alone stories of them. If we cherish the memories of our diseased loved one, shouldn’t we share them?

3. Do something in honor of that loved one’s memory regularly.

It’s a great way to keep their memory alive and carry on their legacy. My brother was an avid giver. When Johnny was about 8 years old, he ‘found’ $200 dollars in my dad’s pants pocket and decided to distribute the $20 bills to most the kids in the neighborhood. They all went to the store to buy candy and water guns compliments to my hard-working dad. So every year, I give to the MRSA Foundation in honor of him. My family has also given college scholarships to young students at his former high school, in Zion, IL and Tallahassee, Florida.

“Those whom we have loved never really leave us. They live on forever in our hearts, and cast their radiant light onto our every shadow.” ~Sylvana Rossetti

“I’m Different. Difficult. Awkward. Real. You may get me or you may not. I hope you do. I don’t care if you don’t.”-Unknown. My Long Winded Intro…

The moment someone meets you, they immediately put you in a social category within seconds of hearing you speak. As you begin to reveal more details about yourself, your beliefs, morals, or simple likes and dislikes you are then labeled accordingly. Everyone’s guilty of this sometimes, right??  Well….what do you say about that person who you can’t read. They just don’t make sense to you. Everything about them is peculiar from the way they speak to the way they walk.  We typically use the politically correct term “Different” to describe them. Well, that’s me! I’m that “Different” person and to my recollection, I always have been. I’m a grown lady who walks on her toes (literally), speaks her mind (sometimes before I think), prefers to go on shopping sprees at garage sales and thrift stores instead of high-end department stores, enjoys competing in every sport invented (even if I’m the only female), and finds humor in tragic situations. 

When most people meet me for the first time, they find it hard to believe that I’m married and have four children under the age of 6. They are even more baffled at the fact that I’m a #WAHM (Work At Home Mom), raise my children using strict biblical principles, all while working a stressful part-time pharmaceutical job and being actively involved in ministry. People say things like, “ 4 kids? Are you crazy?“, “And you stay at home with them, how do you do it?”, “You do know how babies are made, don’t you?”, “You home school your kids? What about their socialization?”, “How do you afford to live with all of these kids?”, “Don’t you want your kids to have the best?”. I guess the idea of having more than 2 kids and choosing to stay at home with them is almost an enigma in this day in age. I’ll explain how I answer these questions in future posts.

For about 2 years now, I have been at home full time with my children trying to maintain the fort while the hubby goes to work in the corporate world. I have also added on the task of homeschooling my 2 year old, 4 year old, and 5 year old twins for the time being. I like to believe that I am successful with this although I often I feel like the word failure is written in bold red font right across my forehead. Every single day is a challenge as I attempt to maintain order in my home without completely losing my mind. My days often look like a boxing tournament and I’m the referee. A restaurant full of demanding customers and only one server on the floor. Complete chaos!! Through all of this, I’ve become happy and grateful for the little things like not getting a migraine from yelling at my kids and using the bathroom without being interrupted by one of my little angels. It’s REALLY good day if I actually get a chance to take a shower, brush my teeth AND comb my hair. Okay, perhaps I’ve overshared a tad bit but I’m just being honest.

Once in a while, I leave the home hoping for some good fellowshiping and socializing  with people over 42 inches tall. But inevitably, the outing ends with someone telling me how I should be a better wife to my husband or properly raise my children who they seem to think are spiraling out of control. The irony is that the majority of this advice comes from someone who is divorced, don’t even have children or barely involved in their lives! I believe these encounters are like ongoing tests to see if and when I will finally snap on that one person (potentially a family member) for no reason other than their annoying unsolicited advice on the absolute WRONG day. Okay, maybe this first post is not exactly turning out the way I had planned it to. It’s a little more ranty (yes I intentionally made that word up) than I had envisioned. Needless to say, this mama has some struggles. But I assure, you I’m aware of my short comings and my creator is working on me. I’m not yet where I want to be, but thank God I’m sure not where I used to be!

I’ve been on this earth for 31 years and counting and I’m hoping for at least 70 more. It’s sad that it took me over 30 years to finally be okay with who I am. From this day forward, I intend to make the best of all the years I have left by helping, serving, loving, and encouraging people, laughing more and most importantly, being the unique person God designed me to be.

So why did I start this blog???? Well the truth is, I haven’t the slightest idea. My husband has been telling me to do this ever since I became a mom. I guess as I openly share my journey of faith, family and just being peculiar ME, my hope is that I will inspire a few folks to laugh more, cry when they want to, and be THEMSELVES a long the way.

WELCOME TO MY BLOG!!