#AntiSuperwomanMentality: My Efforts are Enough

Everyone knows a woman or two, who seem to have it all. She has the job, the family and is very active in her community. A lady who’s strong and who keeps herself along with her kiddos looking good…  She portrays an image of the ideal woman, in the Bible, described in Proverbs 31. “Her children arise and call her blessed and her husband also, and he praises her.” This all sounds wonderful so I know you’re probably thinking, “Where is she going with all of this?” Well, there is one part of this passage that many people seem to leave out when encouraging women. Verse 15: “She gets up while it is still night and provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.” There it is; the three words that blew my mind, “Her female servants”.  When I decided to read this chapter every day to encourage myself to keep up my superwoman behavior, I quickly realized, this woman was indeed ideal, however, she was NOT alone and NOT a “superwoman”. 

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There is clearly no such thing as a superwoman and striving to portray that image is doing more harm to women and our families than we think.  Many women are simply doing too much with little or no help at all, causing many of them to be overworked, underpaid and plain old stressed out. Our ways of relieving the stress are also limited because we simply don’t set aside time for ourselves. I recently read in a Mayo Clinic article that stress that’s left unchecked can contribute to many health problems, such as high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, and diabetes. 

Unfortunately, there aren’t any female servants or “big mamas” at home helping us with tasks and the majority of us laugh at the idea of hiring a nanny or assistant.  That also leaves the question of “Who can actually afford that privilege these days? ” Stay at home moms have transitioned to work at home moms who typically have a much heavier workload now than they ever did when actually working outside the home. With that being said our responsibilities are endless, expectations are unreasonable, our stress levels are rising and our overall health is declining. So what do we do?

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A therapist once told me that I need to be the best version of myself in order to help others. How could I be the best version of “myself” when I neglect “myself” to serve everyone else? You see, I had become everyone’s “go to” person and yet I had no one around for me to go to. Where was my female servant? Who will help me with my children while I’m reaching out and helping other moms with theirs? Who will help me with this huge project that I have been tasked with to fulfill someone else’s goals? Many people would say I was complaining but is it really a complaint or just being transparent about a situation while taking necessary actions to improve it? At this point many women don’t need the repetitive cliche’ affirmations and quotes (ie. You’re strong, God got you, Lean on the Lord, I don’t know how you do it, you’re superwoman…lol). We don’t even need a sympathetic pat on the back or a hug. I mean… all of this is great, thoughtful and kind but what‘s really needed is; 1. For our teammates, partners and/or co-workers to do their respective jobs, 2. Be willing to help others when necessary (like the superwoman always does..right?), 3. Someone to tell us it’s absolutely okay to say no when we need to. I’ve learned that these simple requests are sometimes too much to ask of many people. Simplicity can be quite complex at times. 

Now, I’ll conclude on a more transparent and personal note. My irrational expectations for myself and apparently others around me almost led to a nervous breakdown. At that point there was only one person to blame for this, ME. So what did I do??? I put “Superwoman” down! I went on a sabbatical for a month, taking a leave from every position with the exception of wife and mom. I had to remove myself to get my life back in order, first taking care of myself, my husband and then my kids followed. I began to prioritize what I am called to do and what I needed to let go. During this process I had to decline invitations, solicitations, and propositions to intentionally work on reasonable goals, aspirations, and self-care. And now, if I don’t feel I have the help or support I need to effectively complete a task, I simply decline and keep it moving. 

I believe an ideal woman is one who fears the Lord and uses wisdom. Her priorities are in order and she knows her family comes first. She no longer tries to fix the burdens of the world but strives to effect change through improvement and not perfection. I’m encouraging you women out there to be wise and set reasonable expectations for yourself and others around you. Let go of the guilt that you may feel when you don’t meet those crazy expectations. As for me, I am working on being content with who God called me to be and in this process of striving to please Him only, I’ve found that with everything else, my efforts are enough.

If you are a single mom, married mom, single woman or wife without children continue to ‘be about your business’, seek the Lord, set boundaries and stay focused on what’s most important to you. Join the movement in fighting burnout and over extending ourselves using the superwoman facade! #ASM #AntiSuperwomanmentality 

If you like the #antisuperwomanmentality gear shown in this post, please click here BUY NOW!  to purchase your own or for a dear friend.  

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#ASM #AntiSuperwomanMentality
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“I’m Different. Difficult. Awkward. Real. You may get me or you may not. I hope you do. I don’t care if you don’t.”-Unknown. My Long Winded Intro…

The moment someone meets you, they immediately put you in a social category within seconds of hearing you speak. As you begin to reveal more details about yourself, your beliefs, morals, or simple likes and dislikes you are then labeled accordingly. Everyone’s guilty of this sometimes, right??  Well….what do you say about that person who you can’t read. They just don’t make sense to you. Everything about them is peculiar from the way they speak to the way they walk.  We typically use the politically correct term “Different” to describe them. Well, that’s me! I’m that “Different” person and to my recollection, I always have been. I’m a grown lady who walks on her toes (literally), speaks her mind (sometimes before I think), prefers to go on shopping sprees at garage sales and thrift stores instead of high-end department stores, enjoys competing in every sport invented (even if I’m the only female), and finds humor in tragic situations. 

When most people meet me for the first time, they find it hard to believe that I’m married and have four children under the age of 6. They are even more baffled at the fact that I’m a #WAHM (Work At Home Mom), raise my children using strict biblical principles, all while working a stressful part-time pharmaceutical job and being actively involved in ministry. People say things like, “ 4 kids? Are you crazy?“, “And you stay at home with them, how do you do it?”, “You do know how babies are made, don’t you?”, “You home school your kids? What about their socialization?”, “How do you afford to live with all of these kids?”, “Don’t you want your kids to have the best?”. I guess the idea of having more than 2 kids and choosing to stay at home with them is almost an enigma in this day in age. I’ll explain how I answer these questions in future posts.

For about 2 years now, I have been at home full time with my children trying to maintain the fort while the hubby goes to work in the corporate world. I have also added on the task of homeschooling my 2 year old, 4 year old, and 5 year old twins for the time being. I like to believe that I am successful with this although I often I feel like the word failure is written in bold red font right across my forehead. Every single day is a challenge as I attempt to maintain order in my home without completely losing my mind. My days often look like a boxing tournament and I’m the referee. A restaurant full of demanding customers and only one server on the floor. Complete chaos!! Through all of this, I’ve become happy and grateful for the little things like not getting a migraine from yelling at my kids and using the bathroom without being interrupted by one of my little angels. It’s REALLY good day if I actually get a chance to take a shower, brush my teeth AND comb my hair. Okay, perhaps I’ve overshared a tad bit but I’m just being honest.

Once in a while, I leave the home hoping for some good fellowshiping and socializing  with people over 42 inches tall. But inevitably, the outing ends with someone telling me how I should be a better wife to my husband or properly raise my children who they seem to think are spiraling out of control. The irony is that the majority of this advice comes from someone who is divorced, don’t even have children or barely involved in their lives! I believe these encounters are like ongoing tests to see if and when I will finally snap on that one person (potentially a family member) for no reason other than their annoying unsolicited advice on the absolute WRONG day. Okay, maybe this first post is not exactly turning out the way I had planned it to. It’s a little more ranty (yes I intentionally made that word up) than I had envisioned. Needless to say, this mama has some struggles. But I assure, you I’m aware of my short comings and my creator is working on me. I’m not yet where I want to be, but thank God I’m sure not where I used to be!

I’ve been on this earth for 31 years and counting and I’m hoping for at least 70 more. It’s sad that it took me over 30 years to finally be okay with who I am. From this day forward, I intend to make the best of all the years I have left by helping, serving, loving, and encouraging people, laughing more and most importantly, being the unique person God designed me to be.

So why did I start this blog???? Well the truth is, I haven’t the slightest idea. My husband has been telling me to do this ever since I became a mom. I guess as I openly share my journey of faith, family and just being peculiar ME, my hope is that I will inspire a few folks to laugh more, cry when they want to, and be THEMSELVES a long the way.

WELCOME TO MY BLOG!!